This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
