Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
