Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
