Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
