best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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