are you still at the devil's house?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
