sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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