Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sarcasm needs its own font
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
