I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
