I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
