In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can I color on your dick again?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
