just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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