Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
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Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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