return my video game
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
