She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
