Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
