if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this just has baby written all over it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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