I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
