i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
