i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
