I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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