perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
