im having a threesome with these popsicles
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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