I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
