This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
