we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
