why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
