Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
