i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
