I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
