Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
