It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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