You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
