I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
