mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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