shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
