i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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