I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
