i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
