he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
