his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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