Your dad touched me again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How does one acquire holy water?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Shame - the story of my life.
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