Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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