WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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