So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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