i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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