forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need water and some morals
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
