She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
