This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're so committed to being not committed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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