so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
