Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
