when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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