The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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