I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're so nebulous sometimes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
