did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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