Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
