Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i drank out of a bidet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
