I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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