i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize