My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
