Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
