so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
