i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
