Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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