Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
