booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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