I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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