Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
