ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
