you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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