The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
