I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
